"Well FUCK YOOOUUU! And FUCK YOU! And FUCK YOU, PRETTY BOY! And fuck you all very much! I'm outta here."

THE RULES OF ATTRACTION

Starring: James Van Der Beek, Shannyn Sossamon, Ian Somerhalder, Kate Bosworth and Jessica Biel

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: Based on the novel by Bret Easton Ellis, this is a dark look at college life. The film focuses on the love triangle between three characters: the disturbed drug-dealer Sean Bateman, the pure Lauren and bi-sexual Paul. Sean falls in love with Lauren, Paul wants Sean, and Lauren decides that Sean is the one to give her virginity to, although nothing works out the way they want it to as the three main characters, alongside a host of brilliant supporting characters, go for a twisted and debauched ride through the season . . .

This is one of the most original and daring films that I've seen this year, and one that I'd recommend to anyone. Director Roger Avary does a brilliant job of delivering a film that's kind of an answer to all the teen movies out there, showing that in real life it doesn't always work out. Rooted in black humour, the film is guaranteed to equally amuse, shock, and offend most people, but that's what so great about it. It's telling it like it is, and doesn't pretend to do anything else. We have stand-out performances from the three main characters: Van Der Beek (whose character is the brother of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho), whose portrayal of the disturbed yet love-seeking Sean is fantastic - fans of Van Der Beek as Dawson will be shocked to watch him have sex, masturbate and take a shit. Sossamon is great as Lauren, who brings across her character's innocence alongside her sins, and Somerhalder brings us the angst of not getting the person you want from the perspective of a different sexuality. There are some brilliant camera/effects shots throughout the film: several times we witness a scene from one characters perspective and then the action rewinds, only to start again from a different perspective, and there's a fantastic split-scene sequence when Sean and Lauren meet for the first time. All the ingredients for a great film are here, helped by a great story by Bret Easton Ellis, but often it's the supporting characters/sub-plots that steal the film from the main love-triangle. Standouts are Lauren's flatmate Lara, played by the gorgeous Jessica Biel, who is a brilliantly deceptive bitch to Lauren, and also Victor, whose European round-trip is condensed into roughly 3 minutes and is a breathless tale of sex and partying. Perhaps the greatest moment though is the appearance of Dick, played by Russell Sams, a gay ex-lover of Paul, who Paul is forced into meeting at a hotel by his mother. Dick appears drunk off a bottle of Jack Daniels, and as he and Paul sit across the table from their mothers in the hotel restaurant it becomes obvious that his character is a creation of genius and that something amazing is about to happen. He smokes, gives "joke" answers to his mother's questions and angers her so much she demands he leave the table. He does, but not before voicing his opinion (see the quote to the left)!  

"Paul, are you hitting my bitch?"

LOSER

Starring: Jason Biggs, Mena Suvari, Greg Kinnear

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: Biggs plays Paul Tannek, a loveable nice-guy from a small town who heads off to college in New York City. Paul is clumsy, has no money, needs to study and has no idea of how to cope with life in the city, and is soon branded a loser by everybody particularly his three cruel roommates who enjoy using and tormenting him whilst pretending to be his friends. Paul meets fellow misfit Dora Diamond (Suvari) and falls for her, but unfortunately she's having an affair with their heartless literature proffessor, Alcott (Kinnear), and is oblivious to Paul's feelings for her as their friendship builds. As his "buddies" continue to use him and Paul tries harder and harder to fit in and win Dora's heart, he learns that sometimes you just have to be yourself . . .

The film is directed by Amy Heckerling, and as she brought us Clueless you'd be right to have hopes for this film - luckily we're rewarded, as Loser is a short-but-sweet tale with plenty of comedy and a great cast of characters. Biggs is great as loser Paul, and you really feel for his plight especially after he falls for Dora. Suvari is also great as Dora; the character is different from the ones she's played in the American Pie films and she does well, bringing across both Dora's appetite for life but also her vulnerability and naivety as well. Kinnear is well-suited to his role too, playing scumbag Alcott with ease. There are plenty of laughs and great lines, most of which come from Paul's cruel roommates, but the film's strongest appeal is it's will they-won't they story of Paul and Dora - let's just say that it's pretty obvious that they're going to end up together; the journey is warm but very emphatic as Paul suffers on and on. This film really spoke out to me as I know what it's like to have an unrequited love for someone, and I've often felt like a loser myself. I'm sure some people will find a lot of faults with this film, the only one I can level at it is that the final scene where Paul confesses his feelings to Dora deserved to be a bit longer, but that's just my opinion anyway. Give this film a chance - it may just be what you were looking for. 

"There are no grades . . . in this kind of test!"

SOUL SURVIVORS

Starring: Melissa Sagemiller, Eliza Dushku, Wes Bentley, Casey Affleck and Luke Wilson

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: Cassie (Sagemiller) is off to college with best friend Annabel (Dushku): driving them are Cassie's boyfriend Sean (Affleck) and Matt (Bentley), Cassie's ex-boyfriend and now boyfriend of Annabel. With me so far? After arriving they head to a party at a gothic church; Cassie kisses Matt which is witnessed by Sean, so their drive back in the rain isn't looking good to start with - they crash into a car full of masked partygoers from the church and Sean is killed. The rest of the film focuses on Cassie's recovery as her world becomes very strange - hallucinations, flashbacks, visions of Sean and being convinced she's being chased by the masked partygoers. Not to mention the increasingly strange behaviour of Annabel and Matt . . . so just what is going on?

This film tries so hard to be a supernatural, psychological horror but it fails spectacularly. In fact, I have to say that this film is shockingly bad. But it's because it's so bad that it becomes almost good and a great laugh to watch, hence it being chosen for this week's film of the week. But where to begin with it's shortcomings? The plot is laughable: from it's cheesy beginning (and end) of Cassie being in the perfect loving family to it's main sell, that of Cassie being caught in a world between the living and dead - yes the ingredients are all there like strange visions and strange behaviour of characters, but most of the time you're just left wondering what the hell is going on. The constant flashbacks and jagged plotline have been pulled off in some films, but not in this one I'm afraid. The camerawork is nothing new and the score fails to excite either, so we're left hoping on the characters to get us through the film - here the film both succeeds and fails. All players here are good young talent who've proven their acting in other films, but unfortunately they're bound to this awful script which produces dogged performances from almost all. Affleck's lovey-dovey boyfriend departs early, leaving him little to do except appear in flashback form, and Sagemiller flits from confusion to happiness with seemingly little concern, a shame as she was great in Get Over It. Eliza Dushku is one of my favourite actresses and sadly she's under-used here as Annabel doesn't get a whole lot of screen time, but she does well on the whole and I'm pleased to say looks damn sexy throughout. I'm shocked by Wes Bentley, who produced such an amazing performance in American Beauty, as his character is probably the worst thing going on here - I'm surprised that he signed on at all. However all is not lost in Luke Wilson, who cameos as a priest named Jude who offers counsel to Cassie and may or may not be a ghost - despite the stupidity of this character's premise Wilson is always a joy to behold and his own screen presence makes up for it. I think that's about it, I'd better not slate the film any more but let me fnish with this: yes the film is awful, but it's so damn funny to watch that it makes it worthwhile!    

"I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughin'. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it."

A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Gian Maria Volonte

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: A Fistful Of Dollars is the first of the legendary "spaghetti westerns" by director Sergio Leone that launched the career of an unknown actor called Clint Eastwood. Eastwood is The Man With No Name, a mysterious gunfighter who is lightning quick on the draw. He arrives in a town inhabited by two rival gangs and proceeds to play the two off one another; he deals swift death, reunites a family and makes a tidy profit for himself. However the process isn't easy, as the gangs wise up to what he's up to . . .

Let's get one thing out of the way first - the film has it's flaws. Yes it was undeniably shot in Spain (a bit far from Western America then), yes sometimes there's obviously no bullet wounds as guys get wasted, and yes the after-dubbing is atrocious. However these are niggles that can easily be overlooked as the quality of the film more than makes up for it. Even though it was shot in Spain this really feels like the Old West and the story is very entertaining, but really the film is all Eastwood. Nailing a performance that he would replicate in dozens of other westerns that followed, he brings us an amazing anti-hero in The Man With No Name. His character is ruthless and out for personal gain, but he's just so damn COOL! If you need any confirmation of what I mean, check out his legendary stare just before he wastes 4 members of one of the gangs near the start of the film - the character is so ice-cool and hard, he just exudes cool. Watch this film just for Eastwood, and for an unforgettable western experience. 

"The nerds were right!"

SIGNS

Starring: Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Rory Culkin, Abigail Breslin

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: M. Night Shyamalan brings us another extraordinary film, this time a tale of faith and courage amongst alien invasion. Set in rural Pennsylvania, the story focuses on Graham Hess (Gibson). It's been six months since Graham's wife was killed in a driving accident and Graham, a former pastor, has lost his faith and struggles to raise his children Morgan and Bo on their farm with the help of his brother Merrill (Phoenix). After the appearance of an enormous crop circle on his farm, more and more strange things keep happening: mysterious intruders in the night, the family dogs going crazy, Bo claiming the water supply is tainted . . . as signs around the world point to alien invasion, Graham is forced to confront the death of his wife and his lost faith in order to keep his family safe from the alien intruders . . .

If you haven't seen this film but seen Shyamalan's other work (Sixth Sense, Unbreakable) don't be put off by the sound of him tackling the subject of alien invasion - yes the aliens are in there and they're an important part of the story but ultimately it centres on Graham's struggle to reclaim his faith, and it's here where the film really stands out. Gibson delivers a fantastic performance as Graham, and captures the plight of the character perfectly (especially the scene where he is forced to confront the man who killed his wife). All the other characters are well-played too, with some lovely comic touches from Phoenix, but I was particularly impressed by Abigail Breslin who does so well for one so young, bringing an innocence to the screen as Bo (and perhaps being one of the cutest little girls ever). This film was always going to be scary and even had me on the edge of my seat at points, which is impressive for a 12-rated film - the scene with Graham and the alien locked in the pantry stands out. There's no big twist to this film but it's trademark Shyamalan stuff with impressive cinematography and an involving, moving storyline. Shyamalan proves once again why he's one of the best filmmakers to emerge in the last few years. 

"Come on girls, let's put and end to this gorilla warfare!"

THE POWERPUFF GIRLS MOVIE

Starring: (Voices) Cathy Cavadini, Tara Strong, E.G. Daily, Roger L. Jackson

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: The much-loved cartoon show gets proper film treatment here as we're told the story of how the girls were created and the journey they travel from being just girls with superpowers to fully-fledged super-heroes! After their creation Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup don't realise the enormity of their powers and nearly destroy the city of Townsville with a game of tag! Outcast and hated by the townsfolk, they encounter the Professor's lab monkey Jojo, who has also been touched by the Chemical X that gave the girls their powers. He tricks the girls into helping him build a machine that lets him unleash an army of super-intelligent monkeys, with himself as their leader with the name Mojo Jojo! After some soul-searching the girls face up to the damage they've caused and, for the first time, head in to save the day.

It really helps if you're a fan of the cartoon show (like me), although you don't have to have seen it to enjoy the film. The film carries the same trademark humour and fun of the cartoon show and has the same quality animation, although with the budget of a film the animation has been bumped up a notch with some excellent sequences/touches. The Powerpuff Girls has this unique way of both making you laugh and tugging at your heartstrings at the same time, which is a testament to the quality of the writing and the skill of the creator Craig McCracken. I can't really say much more about the film other than it's a lot of fun and worth watching, but perhaps the best part of the film is Mojo Jojo himself, whose character is a creation of genius just for the way he speaks!   

"For years I was a nobody - I watched the world through images and learned not to dream. But then the world changed."

THE HOLE

Starring: Thora Birch, Desmond Harrington, Keira Knightly

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: The Hole is a very strange film, kind of a psychological teen horror. Set in a private school in England, Thora Birch plays Liz, who at the start of the film comes staggering into school bloody and battered. Liz then begins to tell the tale of what happened: she and three others (school-stud Matt who Liz crushes on, his best mate Geoff and school beauty Frankie) looked for a way to escape a boring school trip so Liz's geeky friend Martin (who secretly loves her) locks them all in a hidden WWII bunker. They party for three days but then the atmosphere changes when Martin doesn't return to let them out . . . however as the film progresses it seems Liz may not be telling the truth and another, darker, tale of drugs, sex and murder comes into play . . . just who is telling the truth?

OK, this film has both it's good and bad points. On the bad side, the complicated plot may prove a little too confusing for some and there are a few ridiculous elements (such as Birch's English accent - she has a good try, but she's an American girl for pity's sake). There are also some disturbing scenes which I don't want to spoil but needless to say I wasn't hungry for a while after watching it. Despite these things this is an interesting film, a dark look at the psyche of the teenage elite when they're brought down to earth with a crash. The cinematography often stands out and it was interesting for me to read that two different sets of the bunker were built, one spacious and well-lit and the other smaller and dirtier to represent the two different tales told. The characters are interesting particularly as we get to see their different sides, and on the whole this is a competent horror film for those willing to put up with a very twisty-turny plot. 

"I hate, I hate, I HATE Peter Pan!"

HOOK

Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Robin Williams, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins

Ben The Slayer REVIEWS: Steven Spielberg brings us a fairytale adventure about the boy who would never grow up . . . who's grown up. Peter Banning is now a grown man and is married to Wendy's daughter Moira, with whom he has two children Jack and Maggie. Upon visiting Wendy in London, Captain Hook kidnaps Peter's children to Never-Never Land. Having forgotten everything about his old life there it's up to Tinkerbell and the Lost Boys to teach him how to be Peter Pan again and reclaim his childish soul, so that he can give Captain Hook the fight he craves, and so save his children.

This is a film that kids love and adults just can't help watching. It's a brilliant idea, and Spielberg directs the action with his usual finesse. You really get a sense of nostalgia and of childhood when you watch this, which I suspect was the intention of The Beard. The performances are brilliant from all players: Williams as Pan, Roberts as Tinkerbell (who had to shoot all her scenes save one by herself so that she could be shrunk down to fairy size on a computer) but the stand out is Hoffman as Hook himself, who delivers a wonderfully over-the top performance that really nails the character on the head. He's also unintentionally hilarious, as myself and my comedy associate The Chudmeister pissed ourselves laughing at nearly everything he says! Also watch out for Rufio, the leader of the Lost Boys in Pan's absence, who is cool as fuck. Whatever reservations you may have about this film, discard them - it's a pure delight.