1) The Film Rating - self-explanatory, how good I think the film is

2) The Kirsten Rating - basically how beautiful she's looking in the film (only available from Small Soldiers upwards)

3) The Nekkidness Rating - how close to naked Kirsten gets in the film, after all I'm a red-blooded male (and this rating only appears from The Virgin Suicides onwards, I'm not some kind of sicko who'd apply it to Jumanji or something!)

Please note that I'm hoping to expand this section in the near future by devoting full pages to the films that I've got so I can give a better review, have quotes and screen grabs etc... anyway, enjoy!

Plot: Conflicting plots are being thrown around the net for this one, all that's known for definite is that this is the new film from Cameron Crowe and that Kirsten has signed to it.

Review: Production is scheduled to begin in the first quarter of 2004

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

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Plot: Kirsten will play an up-and-coming American tennis star who keeps an ageing British player (Paul Bettany) sharp as he goes for victory at Wimbledon.

Review: The film is still in production; the UK release date is unknown but expect it 2004

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

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Plot: Spider-Man returns in the sequel to the original hit film, and this time he battles Dr.Octopus! Kirsten returns as Mary Jane Watson.

Review: The film is still in production; it has a tentative worldwide release date of summer 2004

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

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Plot: Set in 1953, Katherine Watson - "a passionate art professor with a fiercely independent streak" (Julia Roberts) accepts a job at Wellesley school for young women and has a profound influence on the girls. Kirsten will play one of the students called Betty Warren (apparently something of a bitch!) alongside Julia Stiles.

Review: The film is in post-production; UK release date is 16th January 2004

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

Plot: Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet play Joel and Clementine, a couple who's relationship has hit the rocks so bad that Clementine undergoes a procedure to remove the memories of Joel from her head. Discovering this, Joel agrees to the same procedure... but then realizes he doesn't want to forget her. Kirsten has a supporting role, as a secretary named Mary. 

Review: The film is in post-production; US release date 14th November 2003

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Plot: Billy Bob Thornton has the lead role of an ex-con who killed a teenager during an attempted robbery, and has been staring at a picture of the victim in his cell ever since. Paroled after 19 years he seeks redemption through a mysterious minister (Morgan Freeman) and two "needy women" -  Kirsten is one of these women, her character's name is Sofia Mellinger.

Review: The film has just been released in the USA, expect the review as soon as it hits the UK. I'm looking forward to this one!

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Plot: Shy, geeky Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) has been in love with the girl next door Mary-Jane Watson (Kirsten) since he was a kid. On a school trip he gets bitten by a genetically enhanced spider and he gains super-spider powers! After inadvertently allowing a criminal to kill his Uncle, Peter dons his spidey-suit and sets out to fight crime, in the form of the sinister Green Goblin. But can he win M-J's heart along the way?    

Review: I knew that this film was gonna be good, and by God is it AWESOME! Sam Raimi does a brilliant job of bringing Spider-Man to the big screen, capturing the feel of the comic books perfectly. The performances are all excellent: Maguire as Spidey, Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin is particularly great to watch, and naturally Kirsten is fantastic although she doesn't have much to do except scream. And did I mention the wet t-shirt?

Film Rating:  5                        Kirsten Rating:  5                   Nekkidness Rating:  5

"Do I get to say thank you this time?"

Plot: Set in 1924 Kirsten plays Marion Davies, rising starlet and the mistress of media mogul William Randolph Hearst (Edward Herrmann). Hearst dies mysteriously on his yacht whilst he, Marion and a host of celebrities are on a weekend cruise, and this is something of a whodunit with famous faces like Charlie Chaplin and Louella Parsons.

Review: I somehow missed this at the cinema even though I kept a careful lookout for it, so I'm anxiously awaiting the UK DVD release!

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

Plot: Kirsten plays Nicole Oakley, the tearaway daughter of a rich congressman who's into drinking, drugs, casual sex and skipping school. She meets Carlos, a young Hispanic with a promising career, and they instantly fall in love, but Nicole's lifestyle threatens to destroy Carlos' prospects. Can their love survive?

Review: This is an excellent teen drama which does well to avoid the clichés of other films telling a similar story. The film is all Kirsten - she delivers a knock-out performance as Nicole and is totally believable as the wild-child character (she went without makeup for more authenticity). Likewise Jay Hernandez is very good in the role of Carlos. The film is quite different from your average teen fare, which is refreshing, and I particularly liked the interesting way in which the film was shot. Kirsten also spends the majority of the film in various states of undress - this is probably the closest we'll get to seeing her naked!

Film Rating:  4                            Kirsten Rating:  3                   Nekkidness Rating:  5

"You can be anywhere when your life begins. You meet the right person and anything is possible."

Plot: Kirsten plays Kelly Woods in this teen comedy based upon A Midsummer Nights Dream. Berke Landers (Ben Foster) has just been dumped by his girlfriend Allison (Melissa Sagemiller), and to win her back he enters the school play which turns out to be a musical to Berke's horror! He enlists the help of his best friend Felix's sister Kelly to help him prepare for the play, but along the way he begins to fall for Kelly. Who is he gonna pick?

Review: Despite not doing very well at the cinema this really is a missed hit. The film is really funny: characters that stand out are Striker (Shane West), the new boy in town (and ex-member of a boyband called the Swingtown Lads) who steals Allison from Berke, Martin Short is excellent as Desmond Forrest Oates, the drama teacher in charge of the play, and also keep a lookout for Little Steve. The film is even funnier if you've read the Shakespeare play (particularly the end performance of "A Midsummer Nights Rockin' Eve"), but don't worry if you haven't. Kirsten shines throughout - watch out for the bikini scene! Jaw-dropping!

Film Rating:  4                            Kirsten Rating:  5                   Nekkidness Rating:  4

"Oh Hermia, thou art so incredibly hot . . . and stuff."

Plot: A traumatized teenager called Claire is brought to the island of her ancestors to try and recover from the death of her first love. She meets a writer called Celia who tells her the story of another traumatized teen called Silly (Kirsten) and the curse that has haunted the island since the days of the Vikings.

Review: Apparently this film was never released in the US, it sounds quite interesting though. A review will come if I ever manage to get hold of it on UK VHS or DVD.

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

Plot: Kirsten plays Torrance Shipman in this smash teen comedy. Torrance becomes captain of the Rancho Carne Toros cheerleading squad, only to find their old captain stole their routines from rival team the East Compton Clovers. With both teams heading to the National Cheerleading Championship Torrance has to come up with a brand new routine for the team before it's too late!

Review: The film did really well at the box office and rightly so - it's pure joy to watch. It's achingly funny and a real feel-good film; you'll find yourself rooting for both the Toros and the Clovers by the end! Kirsten looks amazing, spending most of the film in a cheerleading outfit (but watch out for the bikini car wash scene), but the highlight of the film actually isn't her, it's Sparky Polastri, the choreographer the Toros hire - watch a comedy master at work!

Film Rating:  5                            Kirsten Rating:  5                  Nekkidness Rating:  3

"I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot!"

Plot: Kirsten plays Lidda Doyles in this drama about a girl who goes searching for her father in Las Vegas.

Review: I'm awaiting the UK DVD release, which seems to be stuck in limbo at the moment.

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

Plot: Kirsten plays Erin Randall in this 2nd sequel to The Crow. She's the sister of a woman who was murdered; Alex Corvis returns to life as The Crow to solve her murder for which he was wrongly accused.

Review: Coming as soon as it gets a UK VHS or DVD release, although I'm a little apprehensive as I'm a big fan of the original Crow and so avoided the first sequel City of Angels . . .

Film Rating:                              Kirsten Rating:                         Nekkidness Rating:

Plot: Satirical comedy set in 1972 in which Kirsten plays airhead Betsy Jobs, who along with fellow airhead and best friend Arlene Lorenzo (Michelle Williams) go on a school trip to the White House and become official dog walkers to Richard Nixon. Soon they're advising the President on how to run the US! But what'll happen when they discover Dick's corruption?

Review: I only bought this film because Kirsten's in it, and was pleasantly surprised. She and Michelle Williams do a great job as Betsy and Arlene, and Dan Hedaya is totally believable as Dick himself. The humour isn't non-stop as it mostly comes from the satire, but there are hilarious moments such as Betsy's weed-smoking brother and Arlene's cry of "I love Dick!". Look out for a cameo role from French Stewart too!

Film Rating:  3                            Kirsten Rating:  3                   Nekkidness Rating:  1

"You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced and you have a potty mouth!"

Plot: Kirsten plays Amber Atkins in this black comedy, shot in the style of a documentary. Amber is entered into the Mount Rose Beauty Pageant by her trailer-trash mother Ellen, but faces some tough opposition from rich-bitch Becky and her scheming mother Gladys, who will do anything to see her daughter win - even murder!

Review: Right from the start this is a very funny film, especially if you like black humour - which I do! The documentary style is interesting and totally suits the story being told, of the deviousness behind a small-town beauty pageant. Kirsten is wonderful as Amber, complete with endearing accent, and looks beautiful throughout. Her mother is hysterical, Kirsty Alley is excellent as Gladys, but the comedy award goes to the two guys caught forming a band on home video - watch out for them!

Film Rating:  5                            Kirsten Rating:  5                  Nekkidness Rating:  2

"Well this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant! This... this... this is Nazi Germany!"

Plot: This is the story of the five Lisbon sisters, set in the 1970s, who all commit suicide, and is told through the eyes of the boys who worshipped them from across the street. Kirsten plays Lux Lisbon who along with her other sisters have to cope with the death of their youngest sister Cecilia, but ultimately become drawn to suicide themselves.

Review: I could go on about this film forever, as it's my favourite of all time. Sofia Coppola has created a masterpiece of film, brilliantly acted and delivered, that is both haunting and mesmerizing. Kirsten is outstanding as the sexually promiscuous Lux, and looks truly beautiful throughout. This film will move you, both depressing you with its sad tale and uplifting you with the quality of filmmaking - watch it. For a more thorough look at the film check out my Virgin Suicides Microsite

Film Rating:  5                            Kirsten Rating:  5                   Nekkidness Rating:  3

"In the end it didn't matter how old they were, or that they were girls... only that we had loved them."

Plot: Heartland Play Systems produce a series of action figures that come complete with AI and munitions chips - this means big trouble for Alan Abernathy, who "borrows" a set of the toys for his father's small toy shop. Havoc breaks loose as the Commando Elite set out to destroy the peaceful Gorgonites, and Alan needs the help of his neighbour Christy Fimple (Kirsten) to stop them!

Review: Another comedy that's verging on black; I love this film! The animation is brilliant considering it was made five years ago, and the laughs come thick and fast. There are loads of great cameos and the voices are top notch; listen out particularly for Christina Ricci and Sarah Michelle Gellar voicing the evil Gwendy dolls! Kirsten does a fine job as Christy, and this is the first film we can begin to admire her beauty in.

Film Rating:  4                              Kirsten Rating:  3                         

"We are the Commando Elite. Everything else is just a toy!"

Plot: Jumanji is the name of the magical board game found by 12 year old Alan Parrish in 1969. Enlisting his friend Sarah to help him play, Alan is sucked into the game's jungle, unable to come out until someone roles a 5 or 8. This doesn't happen until 26 years later, when Judy Shepard (Kirsten) and her brother Peter move into the abandoned Parrish house with their Aunt. They discover the game and free the now grown-up Alan, and together they have to find Sarah and finish the game!

Review: Although this fantasy adventure/comedy is aimed at a family audience I can't help loving it. Robin Williams is on top form as the grown-up Alan, and the special effects still look good today as the animals and other things come crashing out of the game. Kirsten shows what a fine actress she is even at a young age. Jumanji rocks!

Film Rating:  5

"You did just see three monkeys go by on a motorcycle, right?"

Plot: Based on the novel by Louisa May Alcott, the film tells the story of the March sisters growing up in the late 1800s in Concord, Massachusetts. Kirsten plays the younger Amy March, alongside Winona Ryder and Claire Danes.

Review: I've noticed that my sister has this on VHS so I'll review it at some point, but I'm not sure exactly when. I'm sure Kirsten is great in it.

Film Rating:

Plot: Based on the novel by Anne Rice, this tells the story of the vampire Lestat from the perspective of Louis De Pont Du Lac, a vampire Lestat created in the 1700s. During their time together Lestat also creates Claudia (Kirsten), who is forced to spend her eternal life in the body of a child.

Review: An outstanding film from start to finish, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are excellent as Lestat and Louis respectively. However it's Kirsten who steals the film from under them, giving an outstanding performance as Claudia and portraying the agony of a decades-old woman trapped in a child's body with ease. Remember, she was only 12 when she made this! Add to these performances a powerful tale of love, death and loss in a vampires world and you've got one awesome film.

Film Rating:  5                         

"I want some more."